my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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