The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
