I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Randomize
