Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm at about main and main street
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
