i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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