Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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