I wish life had little blips of pornography
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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