It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
