You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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