in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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