Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
