Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
