I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
