I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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