I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
