i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
whose parrot is this?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
