he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
