If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
