his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
