I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
