If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
