yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
