hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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