hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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