I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
