I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
