Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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