wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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