i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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