You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
