first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
