The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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