guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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