Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
