Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
