Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
