I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
