well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
