You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
