I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
