Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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