you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
