Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
