if you like me you must not know who I am
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
