apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dear god my vagina.
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