**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
