Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
