the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
