So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
