god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
