Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
