her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What drink are we having for lunch?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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